And the rest was actual history. In the short span on 3 months, we went from concept to creation. Neither of us had any idea how the fuck to actually go about making a “movie,” especially one that would be as experimental as this. But we started. And we were going to create it with our own money. We divided and conquered. We distilled our parallel journeys over the last few years and brewed a story that came from the heart and soul of each of us. A story about pain and rebirth. A story that didn’t need words or dialogue, and left the person on the other side to see what they felt inside of them, not spoon feeding them our message.

We knew if we were going to start, that we had to go full blast. We couldn’t cheap out on a single thing, because then it would be corny and stupid as fuck.

If you know Nick and I, we’re about as perfectionist as it gets. Neither of us have any patience for mediocrity, and we certainly weren’t going to create a piece of art that had our names on it that was corny as fuck.

It was a fine line we would have to tow. This story had mystical lands, grandiose scenes, and high level symbolism. It wasn’t an undertaking for the faint of heart.

I called in every favor I’d ever accumulated in my life in Truckee to get what we’d need, leveraging relationships and people to get us in the locations we needed to make this a reality. We acquired state and federal film permits for these locations, scoured prop and costume shops in Hollywood, and spent a ton of money on Bezos Land to make it happen. Nick built a trapdoor and tested it in his back yard. My dear friend Angelique created this amazing book I envisioned that would be at the heart of the story.

We bought plane tickets for our friends, found the dopest set of vintage lenses to use for character, and got everything we needed.

Between us, we’d spend about $15,000 of our own money on an idea. A hunch. A passion project.

We had so many debates if we should do it, but at the end of the day, we both felt that if we didn’t try, knowing that we could have the chance to do it, it would be something that we both would regret for a very long time.

The “what-ifs” would kill us.

So we did it. And it was the gnarliest, dopest, scariest, painfulest, amazingest 4 days of my life. I’m so grateful for the friends who spent countless hours on the island with us. Who slept on mini ramp airmatresses when our Airbnb fell through. Who looked for food with us, patiently, when all the restaurants closed.

But we did it. We did something so many people could never imagine having done. We took an idea, a really big fucking idea, and step-by-step, figured out how to make it a reality. And then we would spend the next year editing and creating the actual fucking product. That would be it’s own hell, because.. we forgot one small thing.

When you spent 15k in two months, and fully devote yourself to a task, you aren’t paying attention to your businesses. And you become short of work, and food, very quickly.

That was about the time Saturn decided I needed to learn a little lesson about juggling pentacles. And he wouldn’t stop until I was literally about to die.

There was a stretch there, spring 2018, that only a few people very close to me know about until now.

I had to move in with Nick because I literally couldn’t feed myself. I was embarrassed that I couldn’t pay my rent in Tahoe, and there was no money to be made for me there, so I moved in to the extra bedroom at nick’s house, and begun helping him get his business rolling, while we worked on the movie in our spare time.

There was a stretch where we literally kept eachother alive. For more than 6 weeks, I lived literally, I do not exaggerate here, not knowing where my next meal would come from. I would wake up, and have to figure out how I was going to eat breakfast. Then it was lunch. Then maybe I had sourced dinner. For more than 6 weeks.

One of us would get a job, and we would be able to help the other, and then vice versa would happen.

After about 3 months of being so hungry and brain dead from shitty food, I would go home to Texas to recover and schedule my first break of the year.

In 2018, I made $740 up until I nailed a “huge” corporate video gig in July. The first 6 months, I literally made $740. I applied for jobs I never wanted to do. I did things for money or food that SUCKED. But I survived.

I remember having a conversation with my dad, and it will stick with me for the rest of my life.

“Dad, if I have all these skills. Literally can work in any industry, and I have an astrophysics degree, my own business, a track record of all these huge clients, and I can’t feed myself.. What about those people who have to live like this for years? Who don’t have this education. Who don’t see a way out. What about them? How fucking hard would that be if I didn’t have the opportunity for eating dinner at my friend’s parents house. How many people live like this every day of their lives?”

A lot of fucking people.

It created a level of compassion and empathy inside of me that I’m so fucking grateful for. It created a level of resilience and level-headedness that is unmatched.

We are now the people that will be dealing with NEEDING to get paid, and we will look around the car to see if we have a granola bar and a bottle of water for the hungry guy on the corner.

“Told the homies: Nobody go hungry”

Because I know what it’s like to not be able to buy food. Pay your bills. Borrow from family/friends and deal with the guilt. It destroyed me, and I rose like a phoenix.

After nailing that job, I snagged another large gig with Facebook in Minneapolis, and it got me through the year, right up until Saturn felt like doing one more retrograde to end 2018. I was rolling in to January with a broken heart, and a broken mind. I thought I was in a good enough shape to pay off about $8k in debt that I’d accumulated over the last year.. and then the January blues would strike again.

I had been bouncing back and forth between Tahoe and LA, and the universe was pushing me to get the fuck outta truckee, no matter how much I loved my little mountain oasis. I couldn’t hide in the mountains any more.

I now knew what I wanted to do. I wanted to make Cinema. With my heart and fucking soul. I wanted to create businesses and build empires. And I couldn’t do it as efficiently as if I moved to Socal. So in March of 2019, Nick and I got a place in Seal Beach. The rent was literally 3 times what I paid for my place in truckee, but I knew that the opportunity would be so much greater if I just sent it and spent time there making it the fuck happen.

And now we’re here. I’ve been living here “successfully” for about 6 months, and only had one or two close calls, but I trusted my way through them, KNOWING if I put my trust in myself, and the universe, that I could make it happen.

And I did.

And I’m so fucking grateful for that.

Because now I’ve learned, after spending soo much time chasing the carrot on the stick, and what I really needed to do was this:

Stop, pick my fuckin chin up, and watch the carrot come to me.

No need to chase when you learn to magnetize and be yourself. When you trust in your worth and skillset. When you trust in your ability to persevere.

So is the story of The Man who Chased Himself, and found that everything he ever wanted now sits at his feet, ready to be experienced.

If 20s were this fuckin’ wild.. I’m excited to see what the 30’s have for me.

If you were a part of this journey, I love you dearly, and I’m so grateful for those of you who helped me through this. Whether it was simply listening to me, helping me pay for dinner, helping me owe you until  I could get on my feet. For showing me my power. My soul.

Truly. Grateful is what I am. And what I will continue to be.

I’m ready for the universe to exceed all expectations. With my heart on my sleeve,
“I came with my dick in my hand, don’t make me leave with my foot in yo ass, be cool!”

  • Evan, From Earth