Who am I and what the fuck am I doing with my life?

Life?

This thing that you gave me, ..well, I gave myself?

That you just get tossed right in to the madness. Raw. Untouched.

And then we have to come and deal with what it is to be human. To experience all the facets of life. From the pain to the joy, and every infinite iteration between.

I’m avoiding the question, how usual of me.

I AM.

Right now, I am Evan. A 28yo human being from a small town outside of fort worth Texas. Born to a Julie and John, named of Atlas himself. The one who must learn to put the world down, and remember that I too am on this journey.

But who am I? I like to think that I’m kind. Caring. Thoughtful. I interact with people at a level that I’m not entirely sure that we have anywhere near similar accounts of the happenings, but I have a feeling they generally leave me for the better.

I do feel loved. And For that I am grateful.

I feel supported.

But in what?

What the fuck do I want to do with my life.
Me.
Evan, From Earth.

In this short expanse of the great, big, infinite universe.

Well.. Since you ask. I want to create.

I do create.

I definitely put a lot of pressure on myself to create. And it makes it not fun. And harder. Which is dumb.

But sometimes, I can’t really help it, its just a heavy dense transition, this whole 3d/4d/5d/6d thing.

I come from creation and that’s where I will return, to return my sacred vessel amongst the fertile soil.

But While I’m Here.. I wish.. no, INTEND. To create whatever my heart desires. And I do that. Now.

I realize this.

So.. Now what?

So now I create a future of my heart’s greatest potential.

One filled with love and passion. Where every day is filled with new light and experiences and people.

Other people are what we’re here for. Why else would we have fragmented ourselves in to infinite fractals of source If not to help experience and grow with each piece symbiotically.

But this pressure. It’s like the ticking hand of a heavy clock echoing through a quiet lecture hall.

What are you going to do with this piece of singularity. This moment, in all of the universe.

When Evan, From Earth, existed.

Boy if it ain’t the best damn moment and place to be in all of the cosmos.

The battle ground for the human soul. A moment of duality in the ever expanding times of the universe.

This time when a choice must be made.

Ascend. Or Vanish.

Forever. From the universe.

Lost as an ancient relic on this small, pale blue dot, circling a small yellow sun out in the skirts of the Milky Way Galaxy.

But Ascension.. Is it worth it? Can you know? What’s beyond all of this? The constant cycle of reincarnation. Is the enemy we know better than the truest void? To return to source.

To again create.

So why does this idea of legacy mean so much to me?

What I leave behind on this pale blue dot, why does that mean so much to me? I know the fruitily of this line of reasoning, but it forever lingers in the back of my mind.

It doesn’t matter, and it matters a whole shit-fuck-ton at the exact same time.

It matters for those others in the time and space surrounding my own.

For the souls on different parts of their journey.

I try not to be a soured old traveler. I am working my best to remember that everyone else is on a different path and part of their journey than me. And I can give them all hard earned bits of knowledge through my many cycles through this cosmos.

Ultimately, I feel that there is more though. But is it selfish to think that it’s for my own ascension, too?

Is this legacy something that my soul truly feels called to leave, or some fear-filled stench of an ego hellbent on lasting forever in the sands of time.

I guess I won’t know until I try.

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